The courage to show up
Do you ever lose touch with yourself?
I think it’s normal from time to time. But it seems to happen most for me during early pregnancy.
We did our 3rd round of IVF in October 2018 and by mid-November I started HIDING. From social media, from friends/family, from myself.
I don’t know if the stomach flu I got the week before Thanksgiving was partly to blame, or if it was that combined with the sudden onset of my least favorite pregnancy symptoms (nausea, vomiting and FEAR), but I was instantly not myself.
Honestly, I’m still trying to figure it out.
Fear is a real challenge in my life. And sometimes it takes a while for me to mend my self-talk, put the doubts and worries aside, and just let my life unfold.
As I’m writing this, I’m realizing some part of this has to do with not feeling in control.
Life can be scary when the vulnerability gets too intense.
And pregnancy is waaaay vulnerable for me. It has never come easily and I always fear the worst outcome.
Because of all this and not feeling like myself the past four months, I wasn’t going to do a resolutions post this year.
Now that I’m 23 weeks pregnant and starting to feel better, my head feels a little clearer and I’m actually getting excited (no longer afraid) about what lies ahead in 2019.
Here are a few things I’m focusing on…
1.Calling on my courage
I loved my goals for 2018. It was an impactful year in terms of defining my WHY, getting clear about what matters most and learning how fear and courage operate in my life.
What I didn’t do well: Dedicate myself to my WHY.
I started out strong and then struggled to commit and really own my story.
This year, I have stories to tell and I’m committed to finding the people who need to hear them.
It takes courage to own our stories—we always see our worst flaws and think they’re the reasons why no one will listen—but that’s why doing it anyway makes us brave.
2. Living my core values
…even if other people don’t value the same things.
When I’m not living my values, it’s usually because I’ve fallen into the validation trap.
…the one that needs other people to affirm that what I’m doing even matters.
Living our values can be lonely.
But the more we love them, the less we need other people to love or approve of them.
I’ll admit it.
I love goofing off and being silly (it makes me feel so alive!), but when I’m in an arena where I fear what other people might think, I stay busy and cling to exhaustion as a status symbol.
The thing with letting ourselves relax and just BE is we have to let go of the perceived expectations we put on ourselves to be cool, contained and always in control.
At work is where I struggle with this the most. I fear that having fun can be judged as “too much time on your hands” so I bury myself in my to-do lists most of the time.
When this work habit bleeds over to my personal life, I get depressed.
This year, I want to waste more time. I want to daydream more and, with healthy boundaries, make time to do things that I enjoy so much I completely lose track of time.
As my family grows, this will be something I work to instill for all of us.
In our house, it’s okay to rest and play and be your most uncool self.
4. Spreading light
Our social media driven culture makes it easy to become self-consumed.
I’ve been blogging and on Instagram for 6.5 years and the temptation to be self-centered has only continued to halt my progress.
When we’re dialed in to our core values—the things that matter most to us—they become the lantern that lights our path forward.
When we value the light that that lantern provides, we use it to help others see through the dark as well. Becoming less focused on how we look, how we sound, how important everyone else thinks we are…
I want to spend more of my energy this year keeping my lantern lit and using it to serve others.
Even the tiniest glow can overcome darkness.
2019 is about trusting myself more, valuing my strengths and using the talents my Father in Heaven has given me.
You have talents, too!
Will you join me?
I believe the biggest detriment to those of us who are on a mission to do good in the world is the noise and distraction in our every day lives.
We’re surrounded by what other people are “doing” on social media.
The more we can set healthy boundaries (in our daily habits and thoughts) and stay close to what’s true for us, individually, the more I believe we can help those who need to hear the unique stories we each have to tell.
Let’s spread light and courage this year!
And if you’re curious about this whole “core values” thing, head to this post for a free download that will help you find yours!
This is so beautifully written!! Thank you for sharing. ❤️