The One Technique That Has Brought More Peace to My Home and Purpose to My Parenting
Last fall I attended the most amazing positive parenting workshop by my friend Katie of Lead Guide Walk Beside.
I use her tools daily and have already seen HUGE improvements in Benji’s behavior (as well as my own) on days when things are just not gelling like they usually do.
For example, the tool that has helped me the most is understanding that when Benji is in “the red zone” he’s not teachable.
The red zone is when your child is showing “big behavior” as Katie calls it (also known as tantrums, meltdowns, freak-outs… pick your word).
Instead of saying to Benji, “Stop crying,” “What’s wrong?” or trying to explain to him why he can’t have the thing he wants, I offer EMPATHY.
I show him his emotions are valid instead of trying to stop the emotions by teaching or explaining.
I simply get down on his level, hold him if he wants me to and use a repeat phrase: “I know, I know.” I validate his emotions.
Then when he’s calmed down, I softly explain and teach. Sometimes I wait a few hours to explain and teach. The point is, not doing it while they’re emotional because they aren’t as teachable in these moments.
This one technique has brought so.much.peace to our home and positivity to my parenting. As I’ve been consistent with it, the freak-outs have gotten easier. And most importantly, our relationship is better.
What Brings Peace to YOUR Home?
A few weeks ago in my IG stories I asked you how YOU bring more peace into your home and here are all of your responses. I love sharing these ideas and creating a community where we all help each other.
Because heck, parenting is HARD sometimes. For everyone.
- Honestly, putting down our phones and computers and simply being present.
- I keep telling myself all day “Build them up, not tear them down.” Show love.
- I utilize simple factors to influence my home’s energy: essential oils, music, hugs.
- Making sure the kitchen is clean before going to bed.
- Affirmations/hugs and kisses. I tell them all the good things so they’re the last things on their minds.
- Reading aloud! Everyone stops fighting/playing/whining to listen to mom or dad read a story.
- Music rather than TV.
- Get everyone to bed on time!
- Play music and dance.
- Ok… weirdest answer and I’m still not used to saying it aloud without embarrassment, but “homeschool”.
- Positive, repeated affirmations! I love the way my kids light up when I say them.
- Praying together and lots of hugs.
- A calming bedtime routine.
- Always end the night with family prayer and hugs.
- Bedtime routine! Bath, brush teeth, pjs, books, bed. We actually enjoy bedtime.
- Morning family devotional and journaling.
- Making dinner together.
- If my kids don’t want to do something I give them 2-3 options and they usually pick what I wanted to do anyway. Lol. Like getting dressed, for example. Make them think it’s their choice.
- Bath time!
- Early morning ME time. Pray, ponder and anything else my soul desires.
- Always greeting each other mindfully, with a hug and eye contact.
- We practice gratitude together!
- Straighten the house before leaving in the AM.
- Give in!
- Story time.
- Teaching table manners so we can all enjoy a happy, peaceful meal and conversation.
- Set meal times, sound silly but it’s a boundary that has helped SO MUCH with littles.
- Momma going to the gym!
- Cleaning up after play time. Makes cleaning up later as a family 10x easier.
- Reading stories at night and hugs!
- Books/stories at bedtime.
- Sleeping 🙂
- Laughing! I’m amazed how quickly I can diffuse a situation by making my child laugh.
I hope these ideas are helpful and give you some solutions when you feel like you have zero control (which is always, right? haha). You’ve got this and you’re doing better than you think you are!
Always welcoming more ideas in the comments!